My life as a Professional Wrestler
The opening words really do say it all. El Groumexico was the man who brought me into the ISW. So he was the first to fight me. We went over the match beforehand but by the time we got in the ring we both forgot it all. At one point when we’re out in the crowd he applies a legitimate choke hold on me. I was winded, confused and getting choked out by some dude in a mask, all while being pelted with cornmeal and beer. My favorite part is toward the end of the match. You’ll notice an audience member point out the wedgie in my pants to her friend then proceeds to pull it out for me! Thank you random stranger, I have never forgotten the memory of you fingers between my butt cheeks. It really was a dream come true.
After a successful debut match I was told I would have to fight Risa De Muerte if I really wanted to be in the ISW. In the locker room Risa would brag about the law suites brought against him for beating people up at his job as a bouncer. He’d even showed me the scar on his elbow where he got stabbed. You bet I was nervous. We went over the match and I mentally prepared myself for the solid pummeling I was about to receive. We started the match and things where going fine and until I make the mistake of involving a chair. The first chair I toss bounces back at me, the second slides all the way out of the ring, but third stayed in the ring. As I climbed back in, Risa De Muerte introduced my sweet lips to the back end of that chair. My mouth burst open and blood was spilled. I don’t remember how, but we finished the matched and I was officially welcomed into Incredibly Strange Wrestling.
69 Degrees promotional photo
Woo Woo Woo! You know it.
After being jumped into the “gang”, I was paired up with another newbie, “Bad Boy” Corey, and we became 69 Degrees. It was an obvious boy band spoof that was taken one step further by also being Scientologists. As a tag team we where an instant hit because we could sing, we could dance and we could wrestle. As our albums rocketed up the charts, we racked up the wins and soaked in the adoring cheers (um boos) from the crowd.
For the record, I am not, and never really was a Scientologist. I just played one on TV.
This is one of my many favorite matches. The characters are absurd, the plot is ridiculous, and the moral roles are reversed. The “good guys” are the hard partying Flaco Loco and his under aged mentally challenged buddy with a pituitary gland disorder, Curtis Radavich. While the “heels” are the clean living singing sensations 69 Degrees. It becomes a battle for Curtis’ future well being. If you where a seven year old giant which path would you choose?
In October 2001, when match was held, I had expected this to be my very last match with ISW. I had left the Bay Area where it was based and moved to New York. So for this match I wanted to go all out. Not just that, I wanted to surprise the crowd that surrounded the ring in a way we hadn’t tried before. As I stood on the top rope El Gran Frangorio gave a push and away I went. I figured there would be people to catch me like a stage dive. Alas they parted like the Red Sea and I fell like a sack bricks on the hard wood floors below. Yes it hurt. A lot.
The best thing about ISW was when we’d spoof the latest headlines. The morning of this match it was announced that some guy from The Backstreet Boys had gone into Rehab for drinking problems. How could we resist?! I had already been sipping off my plastic bottle of Old Crow Whiskey since the Warped Tour began so I was chosen for the part of a drunken boy band member. I must admit, I think I did a pretty good job at it too.
On this day in Atlanta GA, one of the great questions of life would be asked. Who would win an arm wrestling match between a man and a chicken? Captain Colon, the foulmouthed cancer fighting superhero was up for the challenge.
Your cancer fighting colonic superhero Captain Colon returns! This time fighting the Man from M.O.N.K.
The story goes like this. Oh My Goth!‘s real name is not Ebenezer De Luxx Duke of Sorrowful Bliss, it’s Ebenezer Broderick, the guy who works at the local CinnaBon. Here he’s is rudely interrupted by his awful older step brother Kip Broderick who insisted on telling the world about Eben’s secret love for Barbie dolls. A family feud erupts and spills across Outlaws Bar and Grill. At least they got a family photo to relive the memories.
Oh My Goth! Family photo
It wouldn’t be a family reunion without a fistfight.
Finally the misunderstood Goth child finds a partner who can relate to him. Meet Otis The Gimp, together they make up the tag team known as Fishnets & Fantasies, “…where all your nightmares come true.” Unfortunately they where no match for Macho Sasquatcho and El Polo Diablo on this night.
On June 12, 1987 Ronald Reagan challenged Mikhail Gorbachev to “tear down this wall”. On this day is 2007, Joe America, the real AmeriCon Man, went one step further and challenged the liberal lefties to “chop down these trees” proclaiming that no tree shall stand in the way of freedom!
Here we find The AmeriCon Man in a foul mood after his reputation was besmirched by the hard hitting hot dog, The Snack Master the day before. This day his plan is to “take him out mentally, physically and financially, because that is what it means to be an AmeriCan not an AmeriCan’t!”
The AmeriCon Man did not win the mayoral election that year, but he did win this match. After surviving a messy dirty sanchez from Captain Colon, Joe America humbled both Captain Colon and The Mexican Viking in a brutal three way choke hold.
This was also the last time ISW had a show. Rest in pieces Incredibly Strange Wrestling. You are gone and best forgotten.
In Floyd we trust
What the AmeriCon Man used to fund his election bid.